So I Have This Fear...

Gone are the days when I thought I was invincible. When all I cared about was where I was going with my friends on Friday nights after the game... the movies, Pizza Hut or back to a friends house to watch country music videos and talk about the boys we thought were cute. Life was so carefree then...

I never worried about anything. With school on the other side (the not-so-great side, that is) of town, I usually had to drive many miles every day then to some kind of practice 20 or so minutes another way then back home. I remember being careless and a show-off when I was driving. I almost enjoyed being a little dangerous. Even when I heard of tragedies, it didn't count... it was me - I was invincible.

Then I grew up. Growing up does something to steal the naivety away from you. Not sure which is better.

Now I am overly careful and will avoid danger at any cost.

With being a wife and mom to 4 boys, the rules have changed. My responsibilities have quadrupled from 20 years ago. Speed limit, observed. Seat belts, buckled. Slow down for lights, etc. These are all things I can control... within my own little world.

But there are some things you can't control. And then what? There are times when you are in the face of danger or the unknown. When you are forced to plunge into something that is beyond your measure of control that completely strikes fear into you, what are your initial thoughts? Where is God in all of this?

To be honest, I sometimes and maybe subconsciously think, "This is in my court", "I'm gonna find a way to deal with this on my own"... and as downright horrendous as this sounds, I find myself believing this lie... "God surely isn't big enough".

So there's this fear. It's beyond what I can control. I thought for many, many years I could avoid it, but it's coming to face me... and soon. Just when I thought I had life in my realm of control, now it's becoming not so. This fear may seem trivial to you. It may even be enjoyable to a few. But to me, it's so unimaginably scary, it sends me into complete anxiety.

So would you pray for me and this fear? I am a believer. I do know Christ. I know He is big enough to help me through. I just need to pass over this control to Him.


So what are your big fears? Can you take a guess what my fear is, by the way?

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