Alone time.
My boys (4 of them, mind you) are staying with my wonderful parents while I do my thing here. I desperately anticipate times like these because when does a mom of 4 kids generally get time to herself? Rarely, if ever, in my case.
My thoughts raced of what grand things I would accomplish with all my free time. Run to the library, sit on the couches and read the current magazines. Clean our storage room in the basement. Make a Target run to buy things we really don't need. Blog. Create magical moments of cleaning in every square inch of my home.
But as I awoke to the stillness and complete calm of my home this morning... things were weird. My world was flipped upside down... No pitter-patters. No pantry door slamming like it does every single morning. No loud cartoons playing on this lazy, summer morning. No toddler
Quiet.
Calm.
Nothingness.
And oddly my excitement for this day of having alone time turned into a sense of bewilderment and dare I say, some bits of sadness?
My life is my boys. Almost everything I plan, work and sweat for revolve around those four precious lives that God has given to me. I realize how even when I am rolling my eyes in exhaustion from cleaning yet another dish they put upon the counter or as I pull a muscle reaching for a stinky sock under a dusty bed, they are my life right now. So while they are off enjoying hot tub swims, countless snacks and thoughtful attention from their grandparents, I have suddenly found a strange emptiness without all the madness.
My bit of advice when you too get the chance to be alone without your kids? Enjoy those sacred moments of peace. Treat yourself to something really good and savor every single second you get to renew yourself. But don't assume it's the one thing you need to help you be a better mom. And don't believe that it will be the answer to all of your stress or problems. Because it's not.
I have suddenly realized that the crazy aspects of my life as a mother that I sometimes want to escape from are really the things that keep me motivated, focused and strong. I also have learned that only Christ can fill and sustain me when the things in life make me want to roll my eyes, my brow to sweat and my feet to ache from exhaustion. Don't look for answers anywhere in this world to calm your anxieties and settle your spirit... they will only be momentary, false and never fulfilling. Jesus calls to us and says,
"Are you tired? Worn out? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest."
So for now, I will do my best to enjoy these quiet moments alone. Fold some laundry and dust some shelves. Love on my man. And find true rest.
